It is a hard thing to accept that life is completely out of your control.
Something I have always believed is that some people cannot handle this fact, like myself. People who constantly afraid of ‘what if this happens? What if this doesn’t happen?’ that fear of waking up in the morning just because something terrible may happen. That sickening feeling on the day of an important event. The crippling anxiety of walking through the street and not wanting to make eye contact with someone because you’re afraid of what they may think of you. Avoiding really busy areas because you cannot stand being around so many people unable to control what is going on around you.
Then there’s other people who find the idea completely invigorating and have the ability to accept it. Obviously hard times come and they aren’t 100% positive all the time, but they’re not as afraid of life and what it has to offer. They may beam out of the bed in the morning, happy that there’s another day full of mystery ahead of them. They feel little butterflies on the day of an important event but love it. They are happy to look at strangers and smile, nod their head or maybe even say ‘hi’. They love public, social areas and they are a little social butterfly.
I have been severely anxious since I can remember but every-single-day I try my best to get to the latter person. I just find it impossible sometimes. Something I hold onto to make me a little less anxious is, well here’s just a personal example:
I was in a fantastic relationship with someone they were my soul mate, my best friend, my everything and because they made me so happy that meant I had something to lose. I was obsessed with this idea, the idea of losing someone I loved. It caused arguments, conflicts; I guess it’s because they were tired of constantly reassuring me that they were not going anywhere. Then one day, they did. I realised then that I had spent so much time living in the potential, bad future I had never spent time focusing on the genuinely real and fantastic present.
It is this I like to remind myself of every time I feel anxiety; to not spend time worrying about something I cannot control; to not waste my energy on the potential future when I’m not looking at the constant present.