Tomorrow I leave for university.
I don’t have a lot of time to write right now but this I do have to say,
I’m taking this time to sit back and think about how far I’ve come, who held my hand, who let it go and who I asked to let it go. I’ve grown incredibly and I honestly and truly can say that I love the person I am becoming. Not every day is easy, and most days are met with slight personal challenges but when I remember who I was this time last year and who I am today I know, no matter how much doubt tries to poison my mind, I can succumb to the challenges and learn from them.
My friend told me that before I go to University to ask myself who I want to be. I think I know who I am. Or I’m getting there. I’ve been on such an incredible journey over this year and many have said that they believe this journey has already taught me who I seek to be and I think they’re right.
Who am I? Who do I wish to be? I don’t like to use the typical adjectives and nouns because sometimes words are overused and become devoid of their meaning. So I shall describe it via my role in the world. I wish to be the wise one, the experienced one, the one whom people go to when they are in need of advice and guidance. I wish to advocate and raise awareness for mental health and help eradicate the stigma only the ignorant attach to it. I wish to love to learn in education and in life, although aren’t they the same?. Accept that I will make mistakes. Accept that others will make mistakes. Accept my past for what it is and leave it where it belongs and not carry it along with me. I wish to be a breath-of-fresh-air for others and for myself, by that I mean seeing the positives first and the negatives never or after. Seeing the beauty of a grey cloud rather than the dullness of the cold, wet and uncomfortable rain. Creating art and praising my own accomplishments. Accepting that inside and out I am perfect despite any imperfections. I wish to be easy on myself and take every day as it comes. I wish to not always expect certainty but see beauty in spontaneity and uncertainty of the world. I wish to be me.
I have anxieties about tomorrow. I started typing them out but erased it because I know it will only wind me up.
I just want you to know, all of you, that every cloud really does have a silver lining; I never really understand that saying until today. We can make the best out of something terrible. I did. Last summer I tried to kill myself and now I truly feel alive. I took this terrible, dark moment and thought ‘no, no more’ and it wasn’t easy but I completed therapy last week and now I’m going to university.
We all have this power in us.
Please believe me.
You can grasp your Inner Happiness.
Never, ever give up on yourself because you’re beautiful and know that whoever you are. I adore you. I believe in you. You deserve happiness.
Starting this blog was such a great decision of mine and it hasn’t been easy to write everything down but after I’ve done it, it’s felt liberating, especially with such kind readers and responses. I’m sorry I haven’t been keeping up-to-track on your blogs I’ve just been so busy. But once I’m settled in University I will be sure to devote hours of catch-up. You all inspire me. You all keep me strong. For that I thank you.
I hope you’ve enjoyed this post.
- Your Inner Happiness