A Huge Dose of ‘Anti-Writers Block’

I knew writers block was a thing, I knew it existed and as a screenwriter I knew I got it but I didn’t know it could last for almost a year. I’ve occasionally posted for you all basically saying how much I’ve missed blogging but there’s been some kind of blockage within me, something that has stopped me returning to who I used to be. Like I was afraid of falling back into darkness as if I didn’t want to except that part of me still exists and grows within me day-by-day. I was happy, truly happy once. But that’s not now. I’m lonely, I’m sad, I’m afraid – but not always and what I need to understand is that it’s okay to be lonely, sad and afraid sometimes and I have nothing to fear when I feel. Blogging healed my pain. Talking to you healed my pain. The moment I stopped and was preoccupied with ignoring who I was I acquired new pain, new sadness and new loneliness. I think I need to accept I’m not okay yet. I don’t know when I’ll be truly okay. Whether that day will ever come. I need to accept that I didn’t want to leave therapy when  did but I had to because I was moving to university. I need to accept I’m in love with someone but I can’t believe they love me as much as they promise. I need to accept that I am who I am and stop hiding from myself. My first year of university wasn’t what I expected. I feel I’ve met more people that don’t like me than people who do. All too familiar. We are forever growing, forever changing, forever re-developing and every day is a journey for us all whatever my journey I have, I have it. I can’t keep hiding from myself anymore.

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